Dreams.

Everyone has their own dreams. Some women dream of a cutesy house with a white picket fence with a husband that works hard so she doesn't have too and she raises their children. Some women dream of a ultra large house with a maid and both parties work and no children. But I dream of the in between. Of course this house wasn't my 'dream' house, but it is becoming more and more like a dream house. I always wanted a house on a hill with a wrap around porch around a New-Old Farm house, of course with a large kitchen and a bathroom with a claw foot tub. Ahhh, I can see myself now sitting in a bubble bath now. haha.

 But as I have gotten older, I have realized life isn't measured by the house or the material possessions. I understand life gets crazy and dreams adapt to fit our life. Our mortgage is paid, and we own everyone of our 10 or 15 cars. We have what I consider the "American Dream", my husband owns his own business and I work as a Massage Therapist in Mount Airy, as a independent contractor, we are not rich by no means but our bills are paid and we are able to do our hobbies with ease most of the time. I feel as my first dream has been achieved- having a loving husband and a beautiful house.

Nevertheless, I do have other dreams, I want to be a mother. That has been the one and only thing I have EVER dreamed of doing since I was a child. As a child, you play house, you carry a baby doll and make believe that its a real baby needing diapers, rocking, and food. I always figured I would be a statistic and have a baby in high school. But, evidently that wasn't in the stars for me. Here I am almost 24 years old married with three dogs. (smile.) Now, that the mortgage is taken care of we are beginning to think about having babies. Life has gotten easier the past year and we pray it continues. I plan to begin saving money and paying down my credit card, I ran back up for the wedding, hopefully the money we save can pay for our home birth.

What? Yes, we want a home birth, well, not just a regular home birth but a home water birth. Hopefully, we will have a normal non-eventful pregnancy and this will work out just fine for us. I am deeply interested in pregnancy and birthing, during my Nurturing the Mother seminar I learned so much about these ideas. Homebirthing and doulas were some of the big topics. It has been researched that having a doula versus getting a epidural relating to the pain of birthing is about the same. Homebirthing is a more relaxed atmosphere and most women are able to birth with continual progress because they know their surroundings. There is a birthing center in Chapel Hill I have looked at. They offer water birth, so there are other opportunities also. We want a water birth because it seems calmer for myself and the baby. Josh has watched water birth and is on board. He believes it will be easier to help me cope with the pain while I am in the water. So we pray that when we get pregnant that it will be low risk and we can continue our dream.

 We plan to cloth diaper. The family might feel differently though. I have talked with my parents about cloth diapering they are understanding and plan to use them as well. Everyone believes cloth diapering is very expensive and not worth the work or money. Josh and I believe that we can buy All-In-Ones (AIOs) One size diapers and save a lot of money, they run from $24-$37. However, these diapers are one size so they fit from 7-40 pounds. I have spent many hours researching how to use these diapers and everything seems as if it will fit our lifestyle. 

We have went off birth control and plan to continue our dream however not pushing trying to conceive. We will see what happens. We are living our dream.

What do you say?

You can't make someone love you, and you can't help who you fall in love with. But when you fall out of love, its best to deal with the pain and anger now, rather than wait for it to get better. Sorry to report this but it never will.

You can try turning to God, and you can try counseling, but no matter what you try it will still be a loveless relationship. I hate to see children in the mix of all the chaos. It breaks my heart that the child will have to endure this stress and anxiety yet again because of your choices. But I guess since I have no children I shouldn't say these things. I have great hopes for my future children I think every woman does but I truly believe if I was in the same situation I would have been gone years ago. 

 In the end all I can do is be so grateful for the love that I have from my husband and the family and friends that surround me and supported me through this difficult and stressful week. Without you, man, this would have been terrible.

I guess in some ways its better this way. I can SWITCH my schedule BACK. (Yes, I changed my schedule to accommodate for your problems.) I think I have learnt my lesson here though. Always go with your gut, I shouldn't have taken the time or made the effort to help until I saw 100% of effort in the other party. I can't say I am done or washed my hands of this matter, (because they are family) but I can say I will never do it again. They are family, not much I can do about that but at least I can say I helped in this situation. I promise my husband that I will never, ever cheat or lie to him about another relationship. The lies can only manifest and once they are so big its difficult to forgive. And even if they are EVER forgiven they are NEVER FORGOTTEN.

But as I sit here and type why do I feel such sadness. I am actually crying over this. *shaking my head* Why?

I guess my sadness comes from the pain he must  be feeling, how could she do that to someone who you say you love. I could never do that to Josh. I know where I would stand if the tables were turned and I would not get another chance. I know his decisions are based upon their child but serious this can only drag it out. He has already stated that he can never trust her, and that he sees she doesn't know herself. He says he understands you cannot love another human being without loving yourself and caring about your significant other. But how can you allow someone back into your life and your CHILDs life after they have done and said such hurtful things?

I guess that is the million dollar question.  

First Post

Your first blog post should introduce yourself first I guess. 

Well, I am Kristi. I am a wife, Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist, Housewife, A mommy to 3 doggies and I absolutely love every second of my life. My husband and I married June of 2010. He is seven years older than I am. We have been together for 6 years and engaged for 5 years. We did live together before getting married for 3.5 years. I wouldn't have traded that time for anything. It taught me so much.

Other than being an awesome wife I love to sew, and be crafty. I am OBSESSED with pregnancy and learning anything and everything about it. I plan on filling in the blanks at a later date.