At 38 weeks...

For some reason I believed I was going to have Kendall by now... I thought she was going to make her grand appearance the weekend after Thanksgiving. I had PLENTY of strong contractions but it wasn't strong enough to carry over to active labor. :(

Then the contractions STOPPED and Kendall's movement SLOWED way down. I thought "Ohhhhhh, maybe this is the sign."

NOPE!!!

At my 37 weeks (the week of Thanksgiving) Nicole my midwife saw me. I had been debating on getting checked for effacement and dilation I ended up getting checked and I was 60% effaced and 1 finger but a loose finger or 1.5 cm dilated with a mushy cervix that is already anterior. All great signs. I left very positive and hopeful.

At my 38 week check up I saw Nicole again. And because of the contractions that kept me up all night I decided to get checked again and debated for awhile about her sweeping my membranes. I decided to have them swept anyways and she said I was STILL 60% effaced and 2 cm dilated but SUPER mushy and still anterior. Left feeling pretty shitty about my body. Feeling like it let me down. I thought I had made progress but NO> No progress made here. :(  When you get your membranes swept if you aren't ready they won't help but if you ARE ready it usually starts in 24 hours. Needless to say it is now Thursday night and my membranes were swept on Monday. It didn't help. We have tried everything!!! Bumpy roads, Sex, talking to Kendall reassuring her life is pleasant in the real world etc. Nothing works.

I really wanted to have her 3 weeks before Christmas to keep from having difficult birthdays. Or family buying one gift for Christmas and not for her birthday plus Birthday sleepovers will be harder etc. But it seems it already is beginning. She has been forgotten already for Christmas by some. :( Josh and I aren't putting a tree up this year because with having a baby so CLOSE to Christmas it will be more of a hassle to get it all out and more than likely I won't have the time to put it all up until February because of the baby. We still have bought Kendall some Stocking stuffers and we have spent lots of money on new things we have already taken out of packages and gotten ready for her birth. But we haven't forgotten her. Santa will come see her and leave her a stocking here and at my mom and dads house. ;)  My mom and dad has gotten her so many toys for her first year it isn't funny!  The kid isn't going to know how to open gifts and some probably won't be wrapped but I can tell you she has already racked up at her first Christmas from Nana and Papa. :)

We are looking forward to her birth, but not the stress of it all. Deciding when people get called and who can be where and who we don't want near us and what if they show up. I have decided today that I don't care anymore. I want to have my baby in peace and quiet and have her naturally without pain medicine unless I really want it. I don't want to be pressured into feeling bad because someone wants in the room to see the birth or to be close to us while we are laboring. I have made my mind up and Josh and I have a birth plan in place like I spoken about before. The midwife will stick with it and I have a feeling someone will get mad at me. And I don't give  a flip about it. I am done stressing about it. I think for me to STOP worrying about this part of the birth will help with Kendall being born sooner. So I am letting go of it now. Expect me to speak my mind from now on. No keeping it back.  Call me the evil pregnant bitch or evil birthing bitch I just want her birth to be stress free and especially after her birth while we are at home to be stress free. It probably ISN'T going to happen but we shall see.

This is going to be such a memorable Christmas and new year I cannot wait to meet this precious life growing inside of me!